Socializing with friends: Young people are looking for friends wherever they go.

With the wave of information-based urbanization, the mobility of the population has increased, and people's loneliness has never been stronger. Social networking with friends has won the favor of many people with its convenience and independence, demonstrating the new changes in people's social needs. Starting from the Internet hot word "friends", this article deeply analyzes the practical significance and internal reasons for the existence of "friends" social networking. I hope it will be helpful to you who are suffering from loneliness.

• "My friend didn't come to work today, so it's just me and McDonald's left in the office."
• "Looking for a gaming partner with a good temper and a positive attitude!"
• "Maybe someone wants to make an English speaking partner? Let's practice together!"

Enter the word "Da Zi" in the search bar, and in the constantly updated information flow, you will see people's demand for the social model of "Da Zi".

"Da Zi" represents a companion in a specific scenario, which does not require high-intensity emotional communication but provides spiritual support like a friend. This playful and vivid nickname resonated with many netizens and quickly became a hot search.

(Weibo Hot Search)

The business scope of the partners is very wide: for dining, there are dining partners, who can reserve seats, get tableware, and check in new delicacies; for slacking off at work, there are chat partners, who can gossip about the department, complain about the boss, and look forward to getting off work; for leisure and entertainment, there are sports partners and game partners, who can be each other's comrades-in-arms, have fun together and surpass together...

Each Dazi provides companionship and support to people in different fields, which is vividly described by netizens as "Dazi, focusing on precise companionship in a niche field."

(TikTok@Hunan Entertainment)

It goes beyond the ordinary relationship between colleagues and classmates, but it is not a close friend. Social "partners" provide a delicate and warm substitute for friendship in modern life, and also let us re-examine the boundary between companions and friends: What are we expecting when we look for "partners"?

1. Companionship: the sense of security that comes with coordination

If we were to summarize the core meaning of a partner, companionship would definitely be on the list.

With just a glance, you can get up in unison with your dining partner and walk to the restaurant to enjoy a meal together; with just a WeChat message, you can lock onto your slacking partner and chat about everything from poetry to the philosophy of life before the clock strikes off work; with just an appointment, you can go online on time and "dance" with your partner online in a corner of the game map.

(Egg Party Game Partner @Zero Season Hiccup)

The word "accompany" may seem simple, but it contains a powerful force that makes people unable to extricate themselves. So much so that when this kind of companionship suddenly disappears, we are like being thrown into a strange wave and unable to cope with it.

Many netizens expressed endless "sorrow" over the departure of their lunch partner. They lost their lunch companion and felt that they could only stay connected with the outside world by immersing themselves in their phones, unable to blend in with the crowd. Some netizens even couldn't sleep well because their nap partner was gone. On the two folding beds that were close together, the presence of another person became synonymous with stability.

(Nap partner @洋洋子爱摸鱼)

Just like ants use their antennae to sense information in a new environment and find the right direction and where the team is, when we step into a relatively unfamiliar environment, we also need a way to find our own position. The emergence of a partner builds a bridge between the environment and "me".

The same tastes, similar interests and hobbies, similar preferences for video games, and even dissatisfaction with tedious work and bosses all constitute the information that the tentacles can perceive, forming a tacit identity between partners.

(A netizen vividly depicts life without a dining companion @黛黛的猫)

From school to work, from the stadium to cyberspace, our need for companionship and feedback will never stop. Just like leveling up in a game, every command of the player can get a full screen of special effects and increased rewards. The feedback that a partner can bring seems to have a similar function.

The existence of a friend brings people a sense of addiction similar to that in video games. The existence of a friend, through timely feedback in a specific scene, helps people reach a consensus in behavior and psychology . This forms a kind of social support for people. Such support subtly increases people's sense of belonging to the group, satisfies people's confirmation of their social roles, and then creates a sense of security and gives people endless happiness. However, it also makes people feel sad when the friend disappears.

Support is important, but the "charm" of a partner goes beyond that.

2. Vertical category: "Practicality" and relaxation coexist

Compared with friends, "partners" seem to have their unique advantages.

Someone joked that the difference between a buddy and a friend is that "you can talk about anything at work, but nothing to talk about after get off work." This accurately summarizes the social function of a buddy.

As the saying goes, "precise companionship in vertical fields", a partner's companionship will never cross the line.

A good slacking partner can reply instantly during working hours and disappear tacitly after get off work; a good dining partner can chat during the meal and be silent during life.

(Little Red Book @Story Potato @A Bag of Luck)

Even in the game space, most players who have never met each other in real life have tacitly accepted that online companionship often does not have much connection with real life. The shallow social relationships they build with the image and identity of the characters will be suspended the moment they go offline.

Such a relationship is far from being close, or even friendship. In addition to being compatible, a friend who "disappears" seems to be more favored. This characteristic of "not being like friends" constitutes an important attribute of "partners".

They appear when needed and are silent when not needed. Different from the concern for every detail of life between close friends and the repeated attempts in the process of establishing an intimate relationship, the friendship of a buddy constitutes a kind of "practical" friendship with a low threshold and warmth.

Social partners maintain the increasingly blurred sense of boundaries between people in an unobtrusive way, making such relationships loose and controllable, but also making them unstable.

(My dining partner has resigned @芭蕉女士)

Everyone can foresee the departure of a partner. This also tacitly assumes that at important life nodes such as resignation and graduation, or even in subtle changes such as adjusting seats and changing tracks, physical separation means the end of the relationship.

Social "pairs" are gradually becoming a trend, which means that our definition of friendship is also quietly changing.

In the past, friendship was endowed with a more sacred feeling . In Cicero's writings, "Friendship is nothing but a harmony that connects all worldly things in the world with goodwill and love." Aristotle also defined friendship as virtue and goodness, believing it to be a noble quality.

Now, however, the attention paid to the good attributes of friendship seems to be decreasing. Friends have become travelers who accompany us on a journey and teammates who help each other. People can provide help, but rarely give energy. Discussions on "stage-specific" friendships have become a trend on the Internet. Reflecting on "internal consumption of friendship" and being wary of excessive energy and emotional investment in friendships have resonated with countless people.

(Discussion on staged friendship on short video platforms)

As the circle of close friends becomes smaller and smaller, and “practical” friendship gradually expands, can “friends” still help people resist loneliness?

3. Loneliness: Atomized Personal Worry

The existence of friends has expanded the form of friendship, allowing people to start a relationship of companionship in a more relaxed manner. However, this low-threshold social method has not been able to heal everyone. On the Internet, the number of comments related to "having no friends" has only increased.

Some people say that the source of many hurts and disappointments comes from the phrase "I treat you as a friend"; some people say that there is no friendship in the adult world; and some people advocate "minimalist life", simplifying the red tape of emotional communication and requiring that the basis of establishing relationships be mutual benefit.

(No friends related video comment area)

However, this does not mean that our emotional need for "friendship" has decreased. Over the long years, sitcoms that explore friendship, such as "Friends", have remained popular, and audiences have been moved time and again by the "utopia of friendship" portrayed in film and television dramas.

(Friends Douban rating)

There is a scene in the play that depicts our expectations of friendship. Phoebe complains about not having a nice bicycle in her childhood because of her poor family. Ross takes her casual complaint to heart and gives her the coolest pink bicycle.

Her friend helped her realize her unfulfilled childhood dream by recording her hidden desires. The newly decorated bicycle warmed Phoebe's heart and became a healing medicine for the audience in the series.

When one's self is "seen" by friends and one's outstretched tentacles are warmly protected, the disappointment in friendship in reality no longer seems so indestructible.

(Still from "Friends" S7EP9)

We are full of desire for intimate relationships, but at the same time we prefer "hookup" relationships. This contradictory psychology is related to people's real situation.

As an individual surfing the Internet, every aspect of the world created by big data is wonderful. You can gain empathy and recognition by clicking the mouse and swiping the phone. Every individual is caught up in a customized and personalized information flow, which constantly stimulates the senses and strengthens the self-image ; but as individuals in the division of labor and cooperation in society, we often find it difficult to gain a similar sense of recognition, and occasionally feel confused about our position.

This kind of social psychology was foreseen in Simmel's The Metropolis and the Life of the Mind: People's lifestyles are becoming more and more like independent atoms: they gather together in a core, but are alienated and indifferent to people outside the group. People huddle in familiar organizations and have no strong connection with other individuals. As a result, they lack self-awareness and even less real care for others.

In the dialogue with Xiang Biao in "13 Invitations", a similar view is expressed through a figurative metaphor of fault. In today's era, the level of the individual is simplified into an atomized, purely self-centered individual and an individual who is a carrier of a large collective, and the level in between is broken.

(Dialogue with Xiang Biao in "13 Invitations")

"Handling" type of social interaction fills the middle ground to a certain extent, but it seems far from enough.

Friendship with precise companionship may help us reach out more and break through the shell of individualism. However, the significance of turning a partner into a close friend is not limited to companionship and the extension of "practicality". In the worries of atomized individuals, an independent self and the ability to perceive "others" are powerful weapons to fight the crisis of loneliness.

Pack your bags and embrace the people and the world around you. "Today is also a day I want to meet my partner!"

Author: Bald or not

Source: WeChat public account: "Zhizhu.com" (ID: covricuc)