Escaping from Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou: What it’s like to return to second- and third-tier cities

Big cities like Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou are both opportunities and challenges for migrant workers. There are many sad moments in the process, and finally they want to return to their hometown or leave these big cities. Let's listen to the author's experience of life in second- and third-tier cities~

In 2022, I originally planned to discuss cooperation with more clients, but I went to get a haircut the night before, and when I returned to the community the next day, I was told that I could not go down the stairs.

What followed was nearly half a year of confinement.

I live in one of the areas with the most severe epidemic (Beicai). Every day, I use various apps such as Dingdong Maicai, Meituan Maicai, Duoduo Maicai, etc., hoping to find some bargains in the gaps of time and eat something decent.

Looking at my increasingly empty wallet, the 70 yuan per cabbage, and the 50 yuan errand fee, I became more and more depressed. I don’t know how long this kind of life lasted.

Until one day the ban was finally lifted, and at that moment I made up my mind: I don’t want to play anymore and go home.

It has been a year and a half since I left Shanghai. I have heard from some friends that they want to return to their hometowns for development, so today I will simply share some of my feelings after returning, hoping to help friends who have these ideas to understand more. Since this is a personal perspective, there may be some limitations, for reference only.

01

An important realization: our generation of young people is actually not that responsible.

When you work in a first-tier city, you can almost devote yourself to your work wholeheartedly. Although there are many things going on in the workplace and business, you can generally ensure that your focus is on one line. So whether you suffer grievances or encounter a lot of messy things, you are generally focused enough. In general, your role is single enough.

When I returned to Xiamen, I had to deal with the daily life of my family, including my role as an uncle, a younger brother, a son, and possibly a worker/boss. Life suddenly became more complicated. In addition to spending time at work, I also had to take care of my little kid, listen to my dad's political lessons, and deal with the daily chores at home.

In general, the identity has changed from one to many, and the components of life have become more complicated. But at the same time, we live more like a person rather than a working machine. Looking at this situation from the perspective of our generation, I have the following conclusions, which may be biased:

• The development of the times has promoted the flow of people and given us an opportunity to give up many roles and identities and focus on what we want.
• I think that to a certain extent, our current generation is not responsible enough. However, in our original lives, we still have many identities and roles, but it seems that the responsibilities that we should bear in each role and identity are actually missing.
• Most of these responsibilities are taken on by your family.

In general, there is no right or wrong choice, it just depends on how you make the choice.

02

It’s hard to find a soulmate: People are easily influenced by their environment.

For example, the Shandong people's obsession with taking the civil service exam, the Fujian people's obsession with doing business, and the various sermons from my elders, human relationships, and drinking culture that I faced after I came back.

Among all my classmates, I was almost the only one who went out of the province by myself. When I came back, I basically didn't have much in common with them. Their topics were always about eating, drinking, whoring, gambling, or who made a lot of money by doing something shady.

I don’t want to talk about boring comparisons and boring gossip, but sometimes I can’t help it. It is difficult for people to break through the cognitive encirclement of their surroundings.

At present, I still have some professional pursuits imprinted by first-tier cities, and I prefer to be with more positive people, but I don’t know how long this situation can last, and I am more cautious about it. So I think in order to ensure that I continue to have the advantages brought by first-tier cities, I must be more proactive in obtaining information and online socializing. Of course, being in Xiamen, I cannot completely break away from the current cognitive circle, and I need to adjust and adapt little by little according to the situation.

If the current environment is not so good, then you have to create your own small environment, that is, to establish a good learning circle, or join some good learning circles.

This kind of circle is actually not that easy to find, so there is a relatively reliable idea, which is to go to some interest groups first, take the initiative to talk about topics that interest you, and then gradually build a circle with yourself as the center.

03

Workplace environment: Most people do not have a strong sense of purpose and basically do not seek advancement, but only stability.

After I came back, I interviewed some companies, and my feeling was: perhaps these companies developed by hitting a certain trend, but after several years of operation and development, they no longer have the spirit of struggle.

The fighting spirit here does not refer to working overtime or something like that, but the whole team seems to have no sense of running towards the goal. After I came into contact with them, I clearly felt that these people were just eating the residual dividends of the company. Of course, there are also those who really want to do things well, but they can't stir up a stagnant pool of water.

Another example is that I asked a friend who runs a company why he always hires people with little experience. In addition to the difficulty in recruiting people, even if they are hired with high salaries, it is difficult to motivate them. The people below will think that this person is involuntarily, and this person will think that the people below him are idiots, and finally all kinds of troubles will arise.

In addition, there are fewer opportunities in second- and third-tier cities, and there are not many options to choose from. Many friends, after their salary reaches a certain level, basically jump back and forth between several companies in the local industry, and finally have no more opportunities to jump.

I also understand why the Houlang Research Institute’s report on side jobs for young people mentioned that the main force of side jobs is not in first-tier cities, but in new first-tier or second- and third-tier cities.

So after you come back, first see if there is a good place for you to go. If not, try to find some companies and positions with development potential, and start the main business + side business model.

04

Family life: You can go home often, but you can’t stay there for long.

Life back in Xiamen is actually pretty good. In my spare time, I can take a walk on the beach, check in at various popular restaurants, and have a nice gathering with friends. In my opinion, although Xiamen is a first-tier city, the difference between first-tier housing prices and third-tier wages is indeed quite large, but the quality of life is definitely not worse than in Shanghai.

The opposite of a comfortable life is a life spent with family. You will find that it is impossible to reason with family members because you are not on the same wavelength.

If we say that our living environment before high school was basically centered on our parents, then from the moment we entered college, we began a new round of shaping.

Family-university, university-society, this is a jump between two environments. Our living habits and worldviews have changed, and this inconsistency can easily lead to conflicts when we return home.

Being urged to get married, being disliked in various ways, being talked about three times for every meal, being nagged every two steps you take, this is daily life.

05

Inequality between men and women: Men are protected by culture.

The reason why I want to talk about this topic is because I think it is necessary for male friends to understand this, so that we can be more fair to female friends in life.

During the epidemic, my friend’s mother suddenly had a fever of 39 degrees. After calling her brother, the reply she got was: Mom can take care of herself.

She was immediately very angry and asked a soul-searching question: How can a person with a fever of 39 degrees take care of himself?

What she wants to express here is that the new coronavirus is really scary. It is not just a cold and should be taken seriously. The so-called care is to prepare medicine for the mother and prepare three meals a day. If you can't even provide a basic environment for recuperation, then there is no such thing as care.

When talking about this, I said that most boys would not think about this level. The main reason behind this is that most boys have been in the role of being taken care of since childhood.

Because I have always been the one being taken care of, I take many things for granted. When it comes time for me to take care of others, my mind goes like this: if there is a problem, you will tell me, and if you say it is okay, it really is okay.

This is what women dislike. When men “play dumb”, the underlying reason is that they are “too lazy to put in any thought”.

Because I am the youngest in the family, I didn’t realize it before. It was not until I started working and met many outstanding female colleagues that I gradually understood this and began to change.

Then I talked to my friend and found that in fact many places do not like marrying outside the family, and for men it is a kind of "protection" from their ancestors.

Under this kind of protection, everything is male-centered, so it is naturally easy to develop a corresponding male "playing dumb" culture, such as sisters taking care of younger brothers, wives taking care of husbands, etc., but there are relatively fewer cases of younger brothers taking care of older sisters and husbands taking care of their wives.

I hope men can better understand women’s situations and positions. If there is more understanding, there may not be so much conflict.

The above are some of my feelings about living in Xiamen. I hope they will be inspiring to you.

Author: Zhizhong WeChat public account: Shixian Operation