How to get rid of the "feeling of being torn apart" at work?

Are you always busy at work but the final results are not satisfactory? The urging of colleagues and the pressure from leaders make it difficult for you to concentrate. How can you get rid of this feeling of being torn? This article may help you.

Have you ever had that “tearing feeling”?

All your colleagues are chasing you for results.

When you are about to concentrate on doing something, new things keep popping up to interrupt you.

When you ask them when they will need it, they always reply that they want it today.

…

You work hard for a long time, but your boss labels you as "not producing results".

What you think in your heart is that you have tried your best to meet everyone's needs. In addition, you are still working hard to study, take classes, and constantly improve yourself.

Despite this, you still can't get rid of the state of being dragged around by a bunch of things, as if all you do at work is miscellaneous tasks.

You are too tired, and when you can't stand this tearing, you will want to escape. At this time, all you want is to leave the current environment, take a rest, and then start again.

After repeated struggles, you find that changing the environment won’t change the situation, because the difficulties you avoid will eventually come back to you, forcing you to continue to face the challenge until you truly defeat it.

What is the source of the “tearing feeling”?

In fact, it is the double oppression of the me that others require of me and the ideal me on the real me now.

When others make demands on me, I have the responsibility to meet them. If I can’t do it, it means I’m not capable enough. In my ideal self, I want to surpass others’ demands and be more perfect. But now the real me is far from both.

On one hand, you think that if you work harder, you should be able to do it, and on the other hand, you think that you are being oppressed and want to escape. These two thoughts are about to tear you apart in your mind, and this is the source of the tearing feeling.

Essentially, the feeling of being torn means that you do not have enough energy and ability to deal with the difficulties you face.

So how do you get rid of that “tearing feeling”?

We will start from three aspects: mindset adjustment, value management, and effective closed loop .

1. Adjust your mindset

The fundamental reason that troubles us lies in: whether we want to, whether we dare to, and whether we can .

1. Whether you want to or not is a question of willingness:

Under what circumstances would a person want to change himself? There are two general situations:

(1) Huge benefits of having instant access to services:

For example, many people say that they want to make money, but actually they don’t.

The essence is that in the comparison between the two desires, the desire of "I want to make money" is smaller than "I want to be comfortable". Unless you tell them: as long as you do xxx, you can xxx, they will probably take action.

(2) Suffering unbearable pain:

For example, the company’s performance this year is not good, and the time for the year-end appraisal is approaching. You have to do something before the appraisal to save your precarious image.

After understanding the source of your desire, you may want to think more deeply: Which ones do you really want? Which ones can't be avoided even if you don't want them?

What if it's something you really want?

Please describe it in detail, make a plan, and take action.

What if it’s something you don’t want and can’t avoid?

You might as well adopt this mentality: prepare for the worst, make the most reasonable expectations, look for the greatest possibilities, and try your best.

2. Dare or not is a question of confidence:

When faced with difficulties and challenges, I always subconsciously take a step back:

Can I do this well if I have never done it before? What if I mess it up?

Is there someone in the company who is more suitable than me for this job? Why choose me?

…

Even if you accomplish things, you still think that the main reason for your success is that you are lucky and that you don’t deserve it.

These are manifestations of a lack of confidence.

Why do we lack confidence? There are three main reasons:

（1）Lack of self-awareness

When we are asked what are your strengths and weaknesses, it is easy for us to list a lot of our shortcomings, but it is as difficult as squeezing toothpaste when talking about our strengths.

From this example, we can see that our natural tendency is to focus on the negative and ignore the positive .

What should I do then?

In fact, if you sort it out carefully, you will definitely find that you are actually doing well in some things. You have to believe that there must be some kind of problem that you can solve.

A proactive perspective can be developed, and the more we learn about things that can positively prove ourselves, the more confidence we will have.

(2) Unable to accept oneself

If you pay too much attention to your current situation, you will easily come to the conclusion that you are not good enough. If you pay too much attention to your goals, your perfect self will oppress you.

The current "result" is caused by the "cause" in the past. We should pay more attention to "progress" on the premise of setting goals, and ask ourselves more often whether today is better than yesterday?

I often tell myself, "Realize that the past cannot be changed, but the future can be pursued" to encourage myself. If I make changes now, everything will be in time.

(3) External evaluation catalysis

When outsiders evaluate us, they always consider it from the perspective of the "end point." They will praise us for good results and criticize us for bad results.

External sounds have only one function, which is to amplify.

These voices should not be the focus of our attention. We should pay more attention to the experiences and feelings gained in the process, which will provide support when you face challenges.

3. Can it be a result of training?

The gap between knowing and doing lies in practice. We often focus on the "learning" in the word "learning", but neglect the "practice".

When faced with a problem to be solved, many people always emphasize that they lack the ability to solve it. Most people's first reaction to a problem is to learn, and in the end, all they do is learn.

We must transform ourselves from a state of "learning" to a state of "acting".

Don't keep looking for a better way. The most direct way to get close to your goal is to do it. There will always be a better way. The method that you use most easily is the good method.

The level of ability is actually related to proficiency and depth of insight into the problem. Only by repeating it more often can you get closer to the essence.

When we ask experts for the secret of success, they always say: It's nothing but practice. You should know that ability can be acquired through practice.

2. Value Management

If the adjustment of your mindset is a preparation for adjusting your perspective from negative to positive, and accumulating certainty from unknown to known, then the next step is to invest sufficient time in valuable things.

So, what is valuable?

If you look at it directly, it is valuable if it can help you gain experience, get promoted, and reap rewards. Otherwise, it is worthless.

But what happens if you don’t look at it in context with your own goals?

Many of the things I did were indeed rewarding, but they had nothing to do with achieving my goals.

In the long run, it is easy for these "valuable garbage" to occupy your time, distract your attention, and make a lot of efforts that are irrelevant to your goals.

Therefore, value must also be linked to goals.

From this we can conclude that value is the effective effort to achieve goals.

This is the correct definition of "value" for you.

So what is the ideal value?

Let’s start with the goal.

Goals can be divided into active and passive. Active goals are "what I want to do" and passive goals are "what I want to do".

For individuals, it is the achievement of goals; for companies, it is business growth.

When what I want to do overlaps with what you want me to do, it is the most ideal state of value. The two will produce a synergistic effect and double your growth rate.

But more often than not, they do not necessarily overlap, so we need to manage “value”.

Here we can use the four quadrant method to help us manage.

I divide my work into four quadrants based on the two dimensions of time investment and value:

• Low time investment & high value: Do it immediately as a priority.
• High time investment & high value: Find someone to do it together
• High time investment & low value: Try to avoid doing it
• Low time investment & low value: handle it casually

We should focus on areas that produce high value to ensure that we are working on the right goals.

3. Effective closed loop

Many people lament that they have been repeating the same thing all the time and are unable to truly manage a project, and are distressed by this.

Here, we use a picture to understand the reasons behind this:

A thing has a beginning and an end, and is also composed of multiple links. These links are like puzzle pieces that make up the whole thing. Only by understanding one link thoroughly can you have the opportunity to enter other links.

The reason why many people cannot break through is that every time they do the same thing, it feels like they are doing something completely new.

The reason behind this is the lack of accumulation, lack of familiarity, and even lack of proficiency, which makes it impossible to give a definite result.

In the whole growth process, a lot of time is wasted on this. In order to reduce the time wasted, we need to increase the number of closed loops at key points until we can stably give definite results, and then we have the opportunity to take charge of other links, or even the whole thing.

So how can we increase the number of closed loops at key points? That is, review.

You can refer to this simple template:

• What kind of thing did I do, how was the process, and what was the result?
• Throughout the process, what did I do right, what did I do wrong, and what kind of feedback did I get;
• What are the most impressive points for me? What are the good and bad feelings?
• If I were to experience it again, what would I do differently?
• How do I deal with similar situations now?

The result of reviewing is to achieve one goal: no matter what you face, as long as you have experienced it once, you will definitely produce a corresponding solution (even if it is not good enough).

When you experience it again, you have a basis and reference, and you can continue to iterate.

When you have accumulated enough experience and become more skilled at doing something, the results will be more certain.

The above is today’s sharing. Finally, I hope you can regain your confidence, manage your value well, and gain something.

Author: Zhizhong

WeChat public account: Shixian Operation (ID: yyshixian)