Guide to Asking for Help | Don’t let not knowing how to ask for help ruin your career!

I believe that the question of asking for help is a small worry for most people. Whether to ask for help, how to ask for help is the best way, and whether asking for help will make others think I am stupid are very troublesome. This article deeply analyzes "asking for help" and I believe it can provide you with some ideas in this regard.

We’ve all heard the following story:

A little boy was moving a stone in the yard, and his father encouraged him: "Son, as long as you try your best, you can move it!"

But the stone was too heavy and the child was unable to lift it.

He told his father: "The stone is too heavy, I have already used all my strength!"

The father said, “You didn’t try your best.”

The little boy was puzzled. His father smiled and said, "Because I was right next to you and you didn't even ask for my help!"

When we were young, we were repeatedly taught to be independent and not to cause trouble to others;

When I was studying, I didn’t understand what I was learning in class, but I refused to ask the teacher or classmates, and I didn’t do well in the exam.

At work, even though a problem can be solved in a few minutes by asking colleagues for help, they insist on spending several days working overtime, which ultimately delays the progress of the project.

We all know the importance of asking for help, but why is it so difficult to ask for help?

Today's article will help you understand the reasons behind the difficulty in speaking up, as well as the necessary thinking and methods to get help more easily. I believe that after reading this article, you will be able to break through some of the bottlenecks in your heart, and the problem of asking for help can be solved to a certain extent.

1. Reasons for not being able to ask for help

1. Fear of rejection or being judged

When we ask for help, we always unconsciously imagine a lot of things.

Is he not available?

Is he inconvenient?

Does he feel troubled...

The more thoughts or guesses you have in your mind, the harder it is to ask for help, because you are always overly worried about uncertain things and lack a sense of security.

Especially when you ask your colleagues or boss for help at work, you are always worried about being scolded by them and being told that you are incompetent.

Maybe someone will tell you that you should not ask questions all the time in the workplace, and you should not think like a student. In order to avoid being scolded, we usually choose to be a silent smart person. So we habitually work hard and overcome every time with our own efforts. Then every time we finish, we can't get better results, but we are questioned for not being able to collaborate.

Here we need to understand one thing: you want your business to get better and better, and your boss also wants your business to get better and better. You two have the same goal.

If you encounter business problems that cannot be solved or resources that cannot be coordinated, you should ask your boss for help. This is your responsibility and obligation, and your boss also has the responsibility and obligation to help you. Since it is helpful to solve business problems, then this is your need, and your need needs to be met by your boss.

You may also have many assumptions, but for you, there are only two results: help or not. But if you don't express it, the boss doesn't know and can't make a decision. You say yours, and the boss makes his decision.

When it comes to seeking help, what we need to do is to separate the issues, that is, the person seeking help expresses his demands and the helper makes the decision.

2. Fear of not being able to repay the help of others

When we want to ask for help, we always feel humble because of our status as the one asking for help. When we are in the state of asking for help, we always think that we are inferior to the other party. So we always have to find something we can provide in return to fill this status gap. If we can't find it, we will feel that we owe a favor to others. This sense of indebtedness makes us afraid to ask others for help.

So should we give back to others?

I think it is still necessary. But please don't ask for help without hesitation, because this will turn the relationship of seeking help into a transaction relationship. A transaction relationship requires equality between both parties. Once the return you give is less than the help given by the other party, then the transaction is no longer established. No one will do a business at a loss.

So what is the best reward?

I think it is: you achieved the desired results because of the other party's help, and the other party's help played an important role in this.

From the perspective of a helper, when we decide whether to provide help, the first thing we consider is the trust between us, and then the emotional bonus, and then we decide whether to help or not. At this time, we have a selfless mentality.

If you succeed in something because of the help we provide, we are sincerely happy for you at this time.

The best reward is always to be worthy of the other party's efforts, get the corresponding results, and prove that they have helped the right people. The core is to meet these people's needs for self-realization in Maslow's hierarchy. As for whether you treat people to a meal or give them gifts on this basis, all of this is just icing on the cake.

3. Fear of damaging the originally friendly relationship

People are the sum of social relationships, and society is the field where people live. Good relationships come from troubles, and I have a deep understanding of this. We are always worried that asking for help will cause trouble to others, burden others, and eventually lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

At a "apprenticeship meeting" in 2014, I asked my master a question: I have many friends all over the country, and I am not very good at maintaining relationships. At that time, someone answered: You need to send messages frequently, send gifts, and meet frequently. These answers are actually correct.

But today I actually have a clearer answer, which is: be a reliable enough person, and then "trouble" each other.

Every time you bother someone, it is an interaction. The more interactions you have, the better the relationship will be.

Asking for help is not asking for something. There should be boundaries and you can't just sit back and do nothing.

There is a type of person who, after raising his or her demands, does not take any action, but just acts as a "hands-off shopkeeper" and asks others to help him or her solve all problems. If the results are not as expected, not only will he or she not be grateful for your help, but he or she will even blame you for not doing it well. This kind of request for help is a consumption-oriented request, which is extremely destructive to the relationship between the two.

As a help seeker, you should know that you are the first person responsible for the matter. If others want to help you, it means that they have to spend time, resources, energy, opportunity costs, and emotional value. At this time, not only is there no benefit, but it is all sacrifice. If you encounter too many ungrateful people, you will naturally choose to avoid them. No one will make themselves unhappy.

On the contrary, if you are a reliable person, your request for help is an opportunity for others, and they can make their value recognized by more people by helping you.

For example, because you have accumulated a lot of trust from me in the past, you will carefully screen and listen to the suggestions you make, and then implement and give feedback in a timely manner. At least in helping you, I have no concerns.

When you need help and need me to do something, such as organizing a large event or doing some big project, if my help can play a role in it, then all the participants will recognize my value.

Suppose your boss is my potential client. When I play a key role in helping you solve your boss's problem, he will form the impression that "Zhizhong is very reliable and the cooperation is likely to successfully produce results", which also opens a door for subsequent cooperation.

Whether it is asking for help or providing assistance, being reliable can ensure that the relationship does not break down and becomes better and better.

2. How to seek reliable help

1. Reduce communication costs

If you are a person with high communication costs, then it is very likely that you will find it difficult to get help from others. (Sometimes it is not that others do not want to help you, but that you simply do not give them a specific entry point)

What does high communication cost mean?

When communicating with others, we often encounter people who are particularly difficult to communicate with. For example, when we are live streaming, we often encounter questions like "How to do marketing in the XX industry" and "What should I do if I want to do a fission activity?" Faced with such big questions, we actually have no idea where to start. Big questions can only get general answers. The most we can give is to list some ways, but in fact you want a specific process or method. At this time, some people will complain that the other party has no practical knowledge and cannot get the help they want.

How can we reduce communication costs?

You should know that you need to provide specific background information when asking for help. When describing the problem, you need to be detailed, but also as concise as possible. In summary: do not omit necessary information, do not say nonsense when expressing, use the least number of words, provide the most information, and save other people's time.

We often encounter people who just ask "Are you there?" and don't get straight to the point. You wait for him and he waits for you. In the end, he doesn't get any help and you don't know whether you want to help or not. It's a pure waste of time.

Here is a commonly used framework to avoid pitfalls in the future. The framework is as follows:

[Question background] Personal/company/project/activity background

[Problem description] What happened in the above context?

[My Action] What actions did I take and what were the results?

[My doubts] What kind of current situation do I want to change and what goals do I want to achieve?

[My needs] What kind of support do I need? Answering questions or providing support in terms of actions or resources?

Always remember that those who don't respect other people's time don't deserve help.

2. Don’t be emotionally hostage

There will always be times in life when you feel like you can’t hold on any longer, so sometimes you will have the so-called “lifeline” mentality, which I understand and empathize with. But in the process of asking for help, you will fall into a state of repeated entanglement and self-condemnation, and the whole process is like eating shit (maybe an exaggeration hhh, but you should understand what I mean).

Because I have had such moments, what I want to share with you is that no matter how difficult it is to ask for help, you must have these cognitions: when asking others to help you, do not bring catastrophic effects to others. So when asking for help, you must confirm with the other party the worst outcome and whether they can bear it if it happens. Maybe we cannot solve it for the time being due to our ability, but we should fulfill our responsibilities.

If someone refuses to help you, it is not because they have a bad relationship with you. Because we all know that the principle of helping others is to ensure that you will not fail and have spare energy to help you. This is the real world. If others ignore themselves in order to help you, then don't do evil and force others to help you.

If others cannot help you directly, you can discuss countermeasures with them and ask for their advice. Everyone has their own abilities.

3. Be efficient and professional

Due to the continuous output of content, many people have added me on WeChat, and I often encounter:

I wrote a plan, can you take a look at it for me?

I made a product, can you help me forward and recommend it?

I updated my resume, can you take a look and recommend job opportunities for me?

There are some common problems in these requests for help, that is, I don’t have a clear direction in dealing with them, and I don’t know how much time and energy I should spend on it, what kind of results you expect to get in the end, what benefits I will get after completing it, whether I should be responsible for the results, etc.

Asking for help from others is not about letting them fall into a sea of ​​problems, but about pressing the "switch to solve the problem" at a critical point. A good way to ask for help must be both efficient and professional. So how can we be both efficient and professional?

About efficiency:

Here is an example of a scenario where we communicate with colleagues in our daily lives. For example, when communicating with colleagues about documents, how can we get them to read carefully and give corresponding responses? Here are some references.

When you send a document to a colleague, you can refer to these three points: ① You can first describe the main purpose of the document (add background information if necessary, and remind the other party where to focus)

② Emphasize the information that is relevant to the other party and what the other party should know (most people will think that they can only give some opinions when they come into contact with your document, and will only think that the document is made by you and has nothing to do with them)

③ Emphasize what feedback the other party will give after reading it, and provide reference cases or standards if necessary (this feedback should preferably include time, form, style, and objects that need to be synchronized. Generally speaking, it is best not to have open-ended feedback, but closed-ended feedback)

For now, we all hope that the other party can read the documents we work hard on carefully and give you the feedback you expect. If you can make the information transmission of the whole process clear, it will save a lot of time.

Before sending it out, it is best to switch perspectives and think about what information you would get if someone else sent you such a document. Both perspectives are coherent, and collaboration will probably be easier.

Complete information, clear structure, concise content and clear goals are the prerequisites for efficiency.

About the major:

To be professional, you need to manage costs and risks for others. ① Cost part ‍ Communication cost: To do this, which people do you need to synchronize with? Who do you need to convince? Who do you need to reach a consensus with?

Time cost: How much is the minimum and maximum time the other party needs to spend to do this?

Energy cost: How much energy and effort does the other party need to put in to do this?

Opportunity cost: By doing this, what opportunities and possibilities for higher returns has the other party given up?

Switching cost: When doing this, how much loss or cost will the other party incur because of the switch you make?

Coordination cost: How many relationships does the other party need to coordinate to do this? How complicated is it?

Cost of favors: By doing this, will the other party owe you a favor, and will it cost them their own credit?

② Risk part

Credit depletion risk: For example, when someone endorses you and you mess up, will the other party’s reputation be damaged?

Risk of resource waste: For example, after others give you resources, do you not get corresponding output returns?

The key to making others willing to help you is to do more of your own efforts and let others pay less.

Author: Zhizhong

WeChat public account: Shixian Operation (ID:yyshixian)