A daily tip: the test questions of "worldliness" and the solutions of "accidents"

Recently, posts on practicing reaction and mind-gaze have been widely circulated on the Internet. The article sorts out and expresses views from three aspects: how to face awkward situations, the causes of mind-gaze anxiety, and reconciliation with social masks. We all have to learn to face problems head-on and accept that the me wearing a social mask is also a part of me. If you are also interested in this, let's read on.

“The ‘me’ in socializing also happens to be part of ‘me’.”

Are you still troubled by your lack of scheming, social phobia, and poor speaking skills? Are you still embarrassed by your colleagues' sarcastic remarks and your superiors' unreasonable demands? Why not try practicing your wits online? Recently, posts on practicing your reaction speed and wits have been widely circulated on the Internet. By browsing the comments section, you can enjoy a battle between emotional intelligence and IQ.

(Daily Heart Eyes related post)

"You are not qualified to pour me a drink." "Don't touch it, do you know how much this dress costs?" "If you get the bonus, you have to treat us to a meal." "Don't just look at others, when can I drink your wedding wine?" At first, this kind of mind-eye exercise was full of answers that were quite "worldly". They emphasized the importance of following the laws of nature and turning an unfavorable situation around with a little effort, which drew praise from the onlookers.

(Comments from netizens)

However, with the participation of a large number of young netizens, new voices have emerged in the examination room of "social skills". Facing the difficulties and misunderstandings of others, various schools of thought took turns to answer , and behind the different styles of answers was the disgust and counterattack against the so-called "social skills".

(Comments from netizens)

If you practice a little bit every day and do intensive simulations of real questions, you will never be afraid of embarrassment again and can climb to the top of social circles?

1. New Solution: Beyond the Three Realms, Not Within the Five Elements

How to break the awkward social situation has become the focus of netizens. Imagine a situation: you go to a dinner party, but you are late because of traffic jam, and others have already started eating. At this time, someone jokes: "You are really reliable. You didn't come to eat, but came to pay the bill directly." How would you respond?

Excluding the option of being indifferent (standing dumbfounded or paying the bill directly), netizens' responses can be roughly divided into two directions.

On the one hand, we have been immersed in such teachings: those who really know how to speak will take everyone's face into consideration, not letting any words fall to the ground, and at the same time achieve their goals calmly.

Thus, a competition of wits and tricks began. In the confrontation, the interlocutors held their words, and no words fell on the ground, and few words were spoken in reality. Although the words were clearly black and white, people could feel the dizziness of the liquid shaking in the wine glass through the network cable. People enjoyed the game of words, but also accepted the constraints of language.

(Comments from netizens)

On the other hand, netizens from various factions struck back heavily, breaking the harmony on the scene and turning the "spiritual drinking party" into a laughing stock.

The first to appear are the weird group. They take a deep breath, then look around with pity in their eyes, looking down on everyone, saying nothing, but pointing the finger at the questioner.

(Comments from netizens)

The crazy group simply refused to answer the questions, shouting loudly and crawling in a dark manner. Some even went so far as to escalate their madness to the point of violence, precisely crushing the onlookers' pleasure points.

(Comments from netizens)

The cowardly group gave up the fight for momentum, slid to their knees, and drifted downstream, holding on to a belief: as long as they despised themselves in terms of personality, they would be invincible.

(Comments from netizens)

The sincerity group focuses on expressing one's truest inner needs and feelings, responding to offense with offense, and breaking the awkwardness caused by sarcasm with truth.

(Comments from netizens)

As the saying goes, in the martial arts of the world, only the hardest and the fastest are indestructible. The moves of the major schools are different, but the logic behind them is similar: jumping out of the three realms and not being in the five elements. By deconstructing the scene, the embarrassing effect is enhanced, and the pressure is divided among everyone present, so as to soothe the shame and unwillingness in one's heart.

If the scenario requires maintaining superficial harmony, then the participants will break through the line of harmony with a sharp word; if the goal is to resolve the conflict, then they will let themselves fall deeper into the vortex of conflict.

Giving up dignity and pursuing emotional balance has a bit of "egoism" of "it's better to go crazy and consume others than to worry about yourself." However, behind the joke, people's pursuit of such Internet cool articles may just reflect their boredom and fatigue with the term "heart-eye".

2. Anxiety of the heart and eyes: the ubiquitous image management

As more and more posts on "Practice Mind-Eyes" are released, more and more people are keen to become a member of the think tank and contribute their wisdom from various tricky angles.

Admittedly, a considerable number of the answers would not be the choices most people would make in life, but the netizens’ somewhat absurd “empathy” reveals the real dilemma of interpersonal communication.

Post after post throws netizens into familiar yet unfamiliar awkward situations, presenting the difficult problem of balancing face and substance in interpersonal relationships in the most acute way. In the face of perhaps malicious speculation, in addition to being dumbfounded and speechless, finding a clever and reasonable way to respond has always been a hidden "rigid need", and now this need is seeking an outlet on the Internet.

(Social themed content on the web)

Upward social interaction, emotional intelligence classes, embarrassment disorder, and social phobia are increasingly becoming the focus of heated discussion among netizens, bringing with them endless anxiety among traffic and audiences on major platforms.

In the view of philosopher Han Bingzhe, modern society has evolved from the "disciplinary society" described by Foucault to a "merit society." In an era of abundant opportunities and choices, the question people ask is no longer "what can I not do?" but "what should I do?"

A positive belief may give people motivation, but it will also bring great fatigue and make their own needs blurred. "This new type of human being is defenselessly trapped in excessive positivity and has no independence at all." And this feeling is conveyed to everyone through an absurd sense of tearing in the process of practicing "heart eyes" and "worldly ways".

(Janice, "Friends")

In the past, the term "heart-eye" often carried a derogatory connotation, implying that the careful design behind every sentence was for the purpose of achieving a goal, which to some extent violated one's own desires and presented a kind of hypocritical politeness.

Now, the pursuit of achievements seems to have amplified the pressure of interpersonal communication . Using cunning to achieve goals and expand advantages out of "instrumental rationality" has become a shortcut recognized by people. However, it also goes against the inner need for sincere and rational emotional communication, and to a certain extent constitutes a contradiction in people's hearts.

As a social animal, we seem to have become accustomed to paying attention to the image we present to others at all times, and constantly polishing our own shell through our interactions with others. Constantly observing the feedback of others and forming corresponding ways of dealing with things is the only way to continue socialization.

(@Sanlian Life Lab "Post-95s, Rectifying the Workplace")

The large-scale trend of "practicing mind-eyes" on the Internet is more like a large-scale social experiment, a collective mirror-looking. In it, people use each other's behavior as a reference, learn social rules through the feedback of others, and also feel the contradictory relationship between self and social needs, and re-sort out the inner order through empathy .

When maintaining an impression becomes a habit or even a pressure, reflection on "the ways of the world" no longer seems difficult to understand.

3. Anti-humanity: the aesthetics of blank space in pursuit of self

Reflection on the role of "human relations" and "sincerity" in modern society has always existed, but under the joking interpretation of netizens, the aesthetic of "leaving three points when speaking" has been squeezed to the corner of the discourse, and even has a bit of "greasy" meaning.

(Comments from netizens)

Some people say that the creation of the image of "rebellious" is a result of self-exploration. "Rectification" has become an unavoidable word to describe contemporary young people. Many young people are portrayed as rebellious and rule-averse, saying no to all unspoken rules in the workplace and disdaining to deal with social etiquette and courtesy in social relationships.

However, is this really the image that young people identify with?

(Xi Rui, "Talks in the Wilderness")

It is often difficult for institutions to regulate every detail of interpersonal communication. In the gray area between order and chaos, "human relations" instead assume part of the social function, maintaining a delicate balance with blank spaces in actions and words.

We often blame social interaction itself for those insincere words and things that go against our own desires, believing that people interact with each other with masks on, and that hypocritical interpersonal relationships make it difficult to find oneself.

As a result, more and more people are pursuing extreme subject separation, adhering to the belief of "never paying for other people's emotions", and forming a way of thinking with absolute self as the core.

(Little Red Book @王坏坏)

Avoiding conflict, or defining conflict as someone else's problem, is a way to relieve psychological stress, but it may not necessarily lead to true self-consistency. A social mask is an external image, but it is more than just an external image.

The “I” in social situations also happens to be a part of “me”. Even those who dance with masks cannot guarantee that the superficial self is completely separate from the real self.

(Liu Qing x Luo Xiang talks on bilibili@Professor Liu Qing)

When jokes are used to push rebellion against "heart eyes" to the altar, and when the "vegetables on your teeth" stalk becomes the source of responding to complex issues, does our expression seem monotonous and powerless ? Is there a more gentle and rational way to embrace every individual in the vortex of interpersonal communication?

"We know very little about each other. We are both thick-skinned animals; we reach out to each other, but in vain - we only wear away each other's rough hides. We are both lonely."

Dealing with conflicts head-on and connecting needs from a sincere perspective is much more difficult than using witty words and pushing issues to the extreme. Perhaps, only by building a hard armor can we better protect the innocent child in our hearts.

Author: Bald or not

Source: WeChat public account: "Zhizhu.com (ID: covricuc)"